From Teenager to Mommy
Before I get to where I am now, I will tell you how I got here.. I’ve been trying to figure out whether I want to personalize my blog or generalize it. So here it goes..
When I was a teenager I had plans of going out of state, pursuing a career, making money, getting married.... Becoming a mother was life’s curve ball.
When I first found out I was pregnant I felt so many emotions at once. I didn’t know if I was making the correct decision, but I hoped I was.
I had a very rough pregnancy. I had to work really long shifts on my feet. Endure the criticism of people who did not understand “what was I thinking” and the harsh looks of people in the street because “a baby is having a baby”. My family and friends were all confused because they knew this was very unlike me. They didn't turn their back on me, they stood by me, were extremely supportive, and Matthew had everything he could ever need and more. Having people look down on me really didn’t matter at all.. Instead, it made me want to prove everyone wrong and beat the stereotype.
I was still going to class and doing my pre requisites for nursing school. I was determined to start as soon as possible and nothing was going to stop me. I remember taking an anatomy and physiology lab where I would throw up every single time I went because I could not stand the smell of Formaldehyde when dissecting..
anyhow I pushed through it all, (not literally)I had my 9 pound 14 oz baby via c-section.
When you are pregnant you still have your freedom. You still don’t know.. The little person is still inside of you, although you are already making decisions for them, they are incomparable to the ones you make when the baby is born.
The first time I saw Matthew I fell in love with him. He was more than anything I could have ever imagined. He surpassed all of my expectations. He was (and still is) the sweetest and most beautiful little boy I’ve ever seen. (Not being biased here at all..)
There were three things that hit me like a cold glass of water to the face...
1. The lack of sleep (seriously no sleep)
2. Losing my body (big time...)
3. Baby blues (which I will talk about later on)
I had a great support system around me that never let me down. I found the most amazing baby sitter for Matthew and I was able to “handle” work, school, a home, and being a new mom.
For all of you young moms, or moms in general that feel like you have way too much on your plate consider this “Some days she has no idea how she’ll do it, but every single day it gets done."
Women are unbelievable, they are able to handle so much that you’d be surprised how much you can actually take on your own... When I feel like I can’t take it anymore, I stop and realize somebody else wishes they had what I have. A healthy baby, a future career, a job.. amazing friends, and the list is never ending, truly I am so blessed. We take for granted all of the gifts we are given daily. I think to myself how can I be upset? I’m healthy, I’m able, I’m young, and “pressure makes diamonds ;) "
Now I’m not going to fake the optimism and make you think that it’s all positive. Sometimes I break down, I cry, I think how? and why is this happening to me? Every single emotion inside of me is triggered at once and I feel like I can’t take on anything else. The single one thing that keeps me going is knowing that “this moment will pass”. Do not dwell on the moment, instead embrace it. Accept the tears and frustration, cry it out, scream, do what you have to do. Time will do its job, but "time takes time" and as long as you always remember that what you are feeling is momentarily and better days will come; you too will be able to take on the task at hand.
One thing that has helped me has been focusing on what I’m doing at the moment. If I’m in school, it’s studying and passing. If I’m home, it’s cleaning and taking care of my child. If I’m at work, it’s focusing on keeping that job. If I’m studying it’s forgetting about everything else and making sure I focus. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is being somewhere and wishing you were somewhere else. Make the most out of what you’re doing at the moment and the sum of it all will equal more than you can imagine.
Every person that knows me always wonders and they ask me “ How do you do it”. Honestly, I don’t even know, but I’m doing it, and soon I’ll be done. Most of the times I’m barely getting through, most of the time I feel like I’m failing school, failing at work, failing at home, and most importantly failing my son. But I’m not, I always manage to pass exams, I make it to work on time, and most importantly I do all of it for my son.
Being a young mom has rerouted my life but I’ve taken control of the wheel. I know where I’m headed, I don’t plan on stopping, and when I make it there it will mean that much more....
Thank You for reading and feel free to message me about any situation you are going through in complete confidentiality and needles to say, no judgements.