Dealing with IT

It’s easy to say, yeah I can handle it.. but can you, really?

Whether you think so or not, fact is, life is about making choices. We make decisions every day, consciously, subconsciously and sometimes even unconsciously. Whether we like to or not, we are forced to pick and choose (and don’t get it confused) Some decisions are heart wrenching difficult, while others are fairly easy.

Fairly easy decisions range from snoozing the extra 10 minutes and risk being late, or do we wake up and rush so we make it on time? On the other hand a difficult decision is subjective depending on what matters most to you, but in my case a difficult decision was picking what care taking method I wanted to chose for Matthew since I had to work and go to school. Stay at home mom just wasn’t an option.

What influenced me to pick an in home baby sitter vs a daycare was the amount of children I wanted to surround him. The amount of money I could spend, the amount of hours I needed him to be cared for and the amount of attention I wanted him to receive. I wanted personalized care that would be individualized on his growing educational needs.

Point is, we all make choices along our lives that we have to deal with. So, try and make those decisions to the best of your judgment.

If you are familiar with Freud’s model of the psyche you have very like heard of the “ Id, superego, and ego.”

The “id” represents your inner desires that could be, and likely are, repressed because they are not accepted in public society.. they are primitive and thrive on instinct for example.. sexual , aggressive, and hidden memories that have marked you forever whether you like it or not.

The “super ego” is your conscience. This is God’s given gift to us where I always follow the “do the right thing” path. This is where you decide what should be done and what should be stopped and is hopefully a developed part of our psyche that we are feeding.

The “ego” is the mid point where the id and super ego meet to maintain a balance between what you want to do and what you should do. In my opinion, The ego is a dangerous place where you should try to stay out of to the best of your ability.

My state of mind is mostly always in the “super ego” and I chose this one to make all of my choices because at the end of the day my past memories and what I’ve seen should not control my future desires and wants. On the contrary, it is used as a fuel that drives me to make better decisions so I don’t have to deal with memories and regrets that can possibly affect no only me, but also my child’s “id.”

Something that has helped me make good choices has been putting how I feel to the side and focusing on the facts. Feelings come and go, they’re altered and easily provoked depending on hormonal stability (or instability for that matter) so it’s never a good thing to put them at the base when making an influential choice.

I’m sure you heard the phrase “never make a permanent decision on temporary emotions.”

I’m still very young. In fact, some people would say my life has just started. But even then, there have been many decisions that have lead me to this point in my life. They haven’t all been the correct choices, that wouldn’t make me very human.. but where I’ve fallen, I’ve picked up and learned to never step in the same hole twice.

If I were speaking to a younger me, I would say to focus on the little things. Set major goals, but focus on the little things.

I mean that in the truest way possible.

My major goal is finishing school. Sometimes it gets rough and I feel like I will never make it but somehow I stay afloat. It’s not a coincidence and it’s definitely not luck. I work late and I stay up while most people are sleeping just to catch up on school. I wake up early and struggle to keep my eyes open just to be able to make sure I pass an exam. Even if I leave it for the last minute(because life can get crazy hectic with a toddler) I still prioritize getting it done and that’s all that matters. If I didn’t do these “little” things, I would never accomplish my main goal of finishing school.

When it comes to my son Matthew, that was one of my biggest decisions in life. Choosing to keep my baby boy changed my life completely. I have many long term goals for Matthew. For example, I want him to grow up to be someone who knows real love, is generous, kind, and humble. Therefore I need to portray to him all of those characteristics so he can be inspired to mirror them. I need to be a solid image of a good woman so he is able to identify and appreciate one when it’s his turn to build a family.

It sounds cliche but your baby will never be this little again. Admire your child’s innocence while it’s still there. Hug them tightly at night time and pray over them(I do this more often than I can count.) As a nursing student I am fully aware that having a healthy child is in fact not a little thing at all, but appreciating it and thanking god for him everyday is just a little part of my day that means a lot to me.

If I could give a younger me some advice it would be to try and make decisions based on past experiences rather than on current feelings. If you know something always fails, (a method, a relationship, a professor, a friend etc) History tends to repeat itself, therefore you know if you’re setting yourself up for failure once again so why not try something new? Step out of your comfort zone and expand your growth. It’s scary considering human beings thrive on comfort, but some of the biggest rewards in life have derived from stepping out of a comfort zone.

If I could go back in time I would try to avoid situations that will set me up for failure for example, procrastinating, acting on impulse, and not thinking about consequences.

It’s true, In life everything has a consequence. Sooner or later you will reap what you sow. “You make your bed and then you have to lay in it.” What might feel right in the moment can lead to your biggest regret later.

When you’re going to make a decision, think about what you will gain from it and what you will lose from it. Sometimes, what you will lose isn’t worth the 15 seconds of “don’t think, just do it” and that’s where most of us have made our biggest mistakes.

This is particularly true once you have weighed the options and you have chosen to dismiss the consequences. It’s very easy to fall into a hole when you think “oh well, ill do what I want today and I’ll deal with it tomorrow”. That hole could be so deep that getting out of it won’t even be an option anymore.

Thank you for reading and for all your beautiful messages. I’ve had a hard time picking my topics and staying focused since I’ve had so much on my mind lately.